metablogging

Blogging is such a strange thing.  I frequently ask myself lately why I continue to share these bits and pieces in such a public forum.  I have a pretty limited audience here, so there's not really any pressure to deliver, and to be perfectly honest, I don't have a lot of free time to spend here.  When I find myself with a few spare minutes, I can usually fill them up pretty easily with something that needs to be cooked or folded or put away, with little people who want more kisses or candy, with sewing projects, with a few more episodes of Sons of Anarchy (oh my goodness, we are almost done with season 5!).  What is it about blogging that keeps me (and the thousands of other people who maintain blogs) coming back?

I think it is human nature to want to document this experience of life.  Before there was the internet, there were letters and memoirs and journals and diaries.  We have always done this; technology has just given us a new way to capture this moment and the next.  I started keeping a diary in 4th grade, and I guarded it fiercely under lock and key.  I'm sure there are boxes of my old journals and notebooks in my mom's attic, and dear Lord, I hope she never decides to go looking for the self-centered musings of that 16-year-old girl. I doubt I will ever want to share those with anyone.  I think writing is a way of processing for me, as if capturing my thoughts helps them become real and organized and objective.  I have often used this blog as a way to process my experience, especially when I was a new mom.  I guess in the grand scheme of things, I am still a new-ish mom, but it doesn't feel so scary and unknown anymore.

For some reason, I feel a little more closed off and hesitant to share those personal stories lately.  It's not that Colin is any less adorable than Cara was at 14 months or that I love him any less.  Cara's uniquely three-and-a-half-year-old perception of the world astounds me and makes me laugh on an almost daily basis, but I feel sort of stuck when I think about writing up their experiences.  I am still getting to know their developing personalities and preferences, and right now, I don't feel right boxing them in with a blog post.  I miss the experience of writing those posts and rereading them months later.  I can relive Cara's toddler-hood and Colin's baby-hood to a certain extent, and I hope that they will enjoy doing the same when they are a bit older.  Maybe being here less frequently over the past several months has made me a little timid.

But there's something else.  I have become a lot more conscious of my internet and social media consumption recently, not because I think I overdo it, but because I see how controlled my high school students are by it.  I'm not that far removed from this generation of teenagers, but they are dealing with a significantly different world than the one I grew up in.  There are some who are literally unable to go for an entire 90 minute class without checking their phones for whatever social media is lighting up their screens with alerts.  I know this is the new way of passing notes, and I can't act like I didn't do my fair share of that in high school, but there is a problem when a student asks me to hold on because he's got to "catch this tweet" before he can show me the thesis statement he was supposed to be working on.  I never want to allow any social media to come before or in place of real life.  I think observing the way my students use technology and the internet has made me want to back away a bit.

However, I'm not going anywhere.  The internet, social media, blogs, none of these are going anywhere either.  This beast is not one to be ignored, and there is so much good to be found here and there.  I hope that a little extra time and little less stress during the summer may loosen up my writing voice.  I love documenting my sewing projects and posting pictures, but I miss working through an experience through writing.  All things in moderation though, right?

love song for a cambie

I completely understand the big fuss about Sewaholic's Cambie dress.  This dress is perfection.  Twirly skirt? Check.  Sweetheart neckline? Check.  POCKETS?? Double check (you know, because there are two of those).  Super adorable dress that fits straight out of the envelope?  Check.

I cut this dress in a size 6 with no alterations to anything at all.  However, I can't wear it to Thanksgiving dinner unless I want to either seriously limit my food intake or bust a zipper.  But on a normal day?  No issues.  The straps are attached to the bodice last, which makes fitting the bodice quite easy.  I had no issues with gaping or extra space at the chest, but I should point out here that Sewaholic patterns are designed with pear shapes in mind (read: I have a very small chest).

I used a basic cotton lawn with a polyester lining.  I am slowly learning my lesson about lining fabric.  I used a Bemberg rayon to line my Hazel dress, and even though this poly feels pretty much the same to the touch, it doesn't breath the same way.  Not a huge deal in a dress like this, but I think I might spring for the Bemberg from now on.  And if you squint at the picture above, you can just barely make out my stitches at the hem.  I used a decorative stitch that looks like a vine with leaves to match my fabric.  Because I am a nerd.  But I don't care because I now have a new favorite dress.  I feel like I say that every time I make a new one, but I really mean it this time. ;-)

the "share it to win it" dress

Have you seen those "share it to win" photos on Facebook?  The ones in my newsfeed are usually smocked bishop dresses or chevron dresses.  I have every intention of learning to smock (it's one of my goals for the summer, actually), but the chevron dresses are usually pretty simple, maybe a peasant dress or basic sundress style.  I always think they are adorable, so I decided to make my own "share it to win it" inspired dress.

This is yet another incarnation of the Oliver and S Bubble dress pattern, one of my absolute favorites.  I think I could put this dress together in my sleep at this point.  

Can you find the back seam?  Me neither!!  Those zig-zags matched up by happy accident though, not by any particular skill on my part.  Too bad we didn't have another happy matching accident on the side seams.  Also, it seems I like really like to use blue buttons lately.

Cara really liked this dress--once she accessorized with her Cinderella coach and Tinker Bell necklace, she said she felt like a princess, and really, that's all I need to hear.

happy mother's day

I tend to be less than enthusiastic about Hallmark-engineered holidays.  It's not that I dislike celebrations or presents, but it feels a little forced.  Expectations are built up by greeting cards and retail, only adding to the disappointment when things are not perfect.  Why am I changing this poopy diaper?  Why am I awake at 6 am on a Sunday?  I thought I was getting a break from all those mothering duties today?  

The truth is that there is no break, and I don't particularly want a designated day to celebrate my motherhood.  I don't like my attitude when I think of Mother's Day from that perspective.  What I need is to spend Mother's Day thankful for the ones who made me a mother.  Of course, that means many, many thanks to my very own mama.  I am so thankful for the love and sacrifices my mama so freely doled out during my childhood, but I am particularly thankful for her role in my life now.  Whenever I need support or advice, she is always there.  Happy Mother's Day, Mom!  I'm so grateful for your love and encouragement in my journey as a mom.

I am so grateful for my husband, who forgives me over and over when I am grumpy, stressed, and overwhelmed.  I hate to think about the type of mother I would be if I didn't have him as my partner and leader.  His roles as husband and father in our family are absolutely essential.  So, on this Mother's Day, I want to offer a sincere and heartfelt thank you to PJ, my most favorite husband ever, because he supports, encourages, humors, and protects me like no one else around here could. :-)

I mean, look at that handsome face.  I couldn't do it without this guy.

And to my sweet babies, thank you so much for the joy you bring to my life.  I admire how you both wake up excited to take on the day, how you find the fun everywhere you go, how you offer hugs and kisses and snuggles when they are most needed.  You are teaching me about patience, generosity, selflessness, and unconditional love, and I am so very grateful for the role the two of you play in life.  Happy Mother's Day, Cara and Colin!

I am so thankful for those little smiles!

From now on, I think I will use Mother's Day as a day to celebrate and pamper the ones who allow me the privilege of mothering them.  They are the ones who deserve the flowers and the presents and the special meals because they love me through the bad days and celebrate with me on the good ones.  Thanks, guys.

They are the best.

perspective

Sometimes being a working mom is like trying to do two things at once and be two places at once.  

Sometimes being a working mom is like trying to drive a train from an airplane.

Sometimes being a working mom is like juggling and hula hooping at the same time.

To be honest, there is nothing that can accurately describe the frustration of trying to do two very, very important things really, really well.  I wish I was a person who was okay with just doing okay, but I'm not.  I want to be the best at whatever I'm doing, or at least I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Or last week.  Or last year.  All this to say, lately, it's been tough to find the balance between work and home.

Balance is probably always going to elude me because the pendulum is always swinging, usually in the opposite direction of where I want it.  There are times when I simply must put more energy and time into my one hundred and twelve students.  A grading period is about to end or a stack of essays was just turned in.  A new unit of study is about to begin.  Or all of these things are happening at the same time right now.

However, I know that when I throw myself into my work too hard, I get angry and resentful.  Why should I focus so much on other people's children?  What about my own?  What about my husband?  What about the piles of laundry and the layers of dust?  I should be able to just do what I have to do.  I mean, the school year has ended for me eight times, and I have always met my deadlines.  Why should I think this year will be different?

I have decided that this year will, in fact, be different.  Everything will get done at work even if I don't stay until after 5.  Because there are two sweet babies who really want to come home and play in the yard for a bit before dinner.  And I want to make that happen for them.  And for me.

a lazy sunday

We had one of those really busy Saturdays, the ones where you run around and clean and play and chaperon prom (oh yes, we did).  It was fun, but we were tired.  So, we took Sunday off from the world as a day of rest and fun at home.

seersucker sailboat pants

Rounding out the Easter finery is a sweet pair of pants for Mister Colin. Boy's clothing can be a bit limited, even in sewing patterns; fortunately, Oliver and S never does me wrong.

For his special outfit, Colin has a pair of Sailboat Pants in seersucker.  Nothing says SPRING! to me like seersucker, and I love the classic "little boy" look of these pants.  They are supposed to be cropped, but they actually hit around Colin's ankles.  That's okay; he'll grow into them over the summer.  

This is such a well-written pattern.  The instructions are clear, and these little pants turn out perfectly every time.  I should know...this is the third version I've made.  Cara has a denim Sailboat skirt and a pair of corduroy full-length pants that she loved this winter (she called them her "soft pants"), but in the rush of life, neither of these made their way to the blog.   This is definitely a pattern that I've been able to use over and over in many different ways, which is why I love Oliver and S!