Oct 9, 2011

broken hearts

Cara had some trouble with bedtime last night.  I got her all mad by washing her hair, and she continued to be mad all through pajamas and reading time.  Turning off the lights didn't ameliorate the situation, to say the least.  When I left her in her bed yelling and crying, as I closed her door, my heart broke a little, as it does any time that I have to let her work out those yucky emotions on her own.  Even though I'm mommy, I can't fix everything.

Ten minutes later, she was still moaning and crying, so I quietly opened her door to see if she wanted any mommy snuggles.  She most definitely did not.  She had thrown her lovey blanket, her quilt, her pillow, her big puppy, and her little puppy on the floor, and she was sitting defiantly in the middle of her empty bed.  I tried to sit next to her and see if she would let me hold her or at least put her bed back together, but she wasn't having it.  So, once again, as I closed her door, my heart broke a little.

Ten minutes later, all the noise from the monitor had stopped.  I remembered that my poor, angry toddler had thrown all her blankets and pillows on the floor, and she must surely be cold.  Or maybe I was looking for a good excuse to check on her just one last time.  I snuck down the hallway, turned the knob on her door, and just barely cracked it open.  There was Cara, sleeping soundly under her quilt, snuggled with her lovey blanket, with her big puppy by her feet.  She had put her little puppy on top of her pillow before she laid her little head down.  Everything was exactly the way she wanted it. 

And my heart broke. 

It swelled with love for her sweetness and sadness for her independence.  Sometimes I don't think I can possibly love her any more than I already do, and then...I just do.

3 comments:

  1. I know what you mean! It's hard when you have to do the tougher love stuff. Letting kiddos grow in independence and knowing that sometimes means tears definitely isn't easy. Good for you for letting it happen!

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  2. Lovely post Jessica. This seems to be a current theme for me too, getting used to this independence and letting the kids work things out on there own. So hard.
    Hooray for you for having the courage to let her work it out, that is perhaps the best thing a mommy can do at times.

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  3. This reminds me of my little Jude...he has big emotions (like his Mama). I love this post:)

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