Feb 28, 2012

the crazy mess of hormones monster

I have officially been taken over by the crazy-mess-of-hormones-monster.  (The real Jessica is watching Hawaiian sunsets with Angie.)  Yesterday, I resolved that I was going to cook dinner, which sounds like such a simple task, one that I typically undertake with very little difficulty.  I am also not typically 39 weeks pregnant.  All I really wanted was to taste a little bit of mommy/wife success.  I have felt like such a wimpy mommy lately; I can't even pick Cara up sometimes because IT'S ALL JUST TOO HARD.  Wahhhh!

I ended up staying at work a little too late, and of course, I picked the absolute wrong things to try to cook quickly, and suddenly, it was 7 pm and no one had eaten dinner.  I admitted defeat and bawled.  (Did I mention that the crazy-mess-of-hormones-monster is a bit of an overdramatic diva?)  It seemed like everywhere I looked stood more evidence of my failure as a mommy and wife.  Piles of junk mail here, piles of toys there, and way over there, a few piles of laundry.  Dirty or clean?  Who knows??  I don't even think my house has been vaccuumed since my mom visited us over TWO WEEKS AGO.

Not only is my house a disaster, but my child doesn't want to play with me anymore.  Granted, the best I can do right now is read a story or maybe do a puzzle while sprawled out on the floor.  Cara wants a buddy she can drag around everywhere, someone who can help her jump really high, who will run around with her on his shoulders.  Mom is not working for these games lately. 

I suppose all of these things hit me at the very same time and stole whatever logic and reasoning I had left.  My poor husband.  He is truly a saint.

I know now that I reacted to the whole situation last night a little a lot irrationally.  For example, Cara demanded that both daddy and mommy hang out in the bathroom while she took a bath tonight, and we did have some quality cuddle time on the couch, so it's obviously not the end of mommy/daughter fun.  And, honestly, the last few weeks of pregnancy are taxing on the body.  I mean, I am carrying around an extra 25 pounds pretty much all in one place, and it does make lifting, moving, and staying upright a leetle more difficult.  I was blinded by self-pity and tears last night, but all that crying has provided me with a touch of perspective today.  It's unlikely that all of the laundry will be clean and folded when the baby comes, and that's okay because it has to be okay.  There will be piles of toys in every corner, and that's just life.  I am the only one who will care.  (If you come visit us after Colin makes his arrival, you have to promise not to care.)

8 comments:

  1. Dude. The end of pregnancy is SO hard.

    But you'll forgive me if I point this out anyway: you've only gained 25 lbs???????????????? Holy cow. I'm only 24 weeks pregnant and I've gained 24 lbs (apparently I like to gain a pound a week). You are my hero!

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  2. I too have already gained more than 25lbs and I still have 5 weeks left! Oh I so feel ya, praying you can keep your found perspective and also add in there you have a major mommy victory by growing a baby!! Soon you can experience the after having baby hormones mixed with exhaustion. :) So excited for you getting to meet your baby soon!

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  3. If I could come, I would clean your house for you--no one who loves you and your family will care!! You have the world's #1 excuse for doing no housecleaning--use it!! My house is way worse than yours and we were home all day and I am nowhere near preggo--although probably just as crazy ;)

    Can't wait for the good news!! Enjoy these last few days!

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  4. Hang in there Jessica! That hormone monster is vicious ;) All will be OK.

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  5. I think I gain 25 pounds every time I look at something chocolate. Sigh. At least you have that whole "growing a new person" excuse. I just love foods that are bad for me, and I love eating them while laying on the sofa being a very lazy non-pregnant lady. Best wishes for a smooth delivery!

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  6. Hey friend :) Your house will be clean again one day, just try to ignore it and enjoy these last few days with Cara. I think pregnancy is probably intended as an initial adjustment to current children that change is coming since it definitely limits your interactions with them in different ways over the 9 months.

    Good luck, good luck with everything!

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  7. I am right there with ya! I have been such an emotional wreck this week! And I'm not 39 weeks yet ... just 36! My house is atrocious and if I didn't care so much, I would take pics and send them to you. But it will get cleaned, even if it's my mom doing the cleaning after baby comes. And I'm willing to bet yours will do the same. Much love and hope everything runs smoothly for your delivery! Can't wait to see pics!!

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  8. The end is so hard. And you're right...we're carrying a lot of extra weight, very suddenly, in one spot. And to boot, you are WORKING! A job that requires you be on your feet a huge chunk of the day! Of course you're wiped out and hormonal. I say any pregnant woman who is capable of working until the very end is a saint in my eyes. I whine and bawl at the very end even when I'm just sitting there doing nothing with my feet propped up. The truth is, WE are the only ones who care about our home. It's this instinctual thing that we were just "blessed" with. But that baby doesn't care one bit. Can't wait to hear big baby news!

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